If I had a million dollars, then I…
I’ve dreamed about waking up and there’s a suitcase on the patio with nothing but crispy one- and five-dollar bills in it. Why the low denomination? Easier to spend without causing alarm. Ever hand a cashier a 100-dollar bill and watch him stare into his drawer confused? I don’t want that when I start spending.
I have a plan for the money. First and foremost, no quitting the day job… at least not until some investments are making me enough money to blow the joint. Low profile is what I’m saying. Very low profile. Actually, it would be great if the suitcase was on my patio sometime soon since I’m still new and don’t have any bonds with the people at my job yet….
First things first, gag orders for The Kid and The Girl and their dads and for The Hero. I don’t want my phone blowing up before I have a chance to get used to having the money. Everyone shuts it. Ohh… and my dad. His loose lips sank a couple of my ships in the past.
Next, pay off my and The Hero’s massive student loan debt and put some money in a trust for all four of the kids to go to college. I’m not paying for their education because that’s their first investment in themselves. I’m just… leveraging other funds for them. Maybe one of those college plans I never invested in for them. I’m not paying for Ds and Fs though, nor am I sponsoring college parties. I traveled that road and I got my best grades when I started signing on the line.
I think the Lady – my Altima – would love to be retired, so I’d buy us both cars. Oh… and I’m SO ready to leave my current neighborhood, so a house is on the list. Something large enough for us to have space for our hobbies and guests, but not so big that when it’s time to clean we’re both wondering why we live there. I’d build a garage with one of those apartments too if zoning allowed it because they’re just cool.
NEW CLOTHES! You’ll be so disgusted, but I realized I don’t have basic black heels, or brown or black flats for work. Who does that? How is my whole shoe collection summer fly, but winter dumb? I’m suffering right now, so this would be high on the agenda.
Now that I have my selfish things out the way, my dad comes next. He’s been there for me as far back as I can remember. He doesn’t NEED anything, but I’d offer to rent him storage lockers for life. He owns four houses and I think every garage is full of cra… stuff. All the tenants will be happy to finally be able to park in the garages. Maybe I’ll hire an organizer to store said stuff for him so he knows where to find it. Or maybe this whole idea encourages more hoarding. Hmmm… I’ll think about it.
I’d set up a scholarship fund through my graduate school in my mom’s memory. That’s always been my goal since we both went there and graduated from the same college. It’s a tangible way to help defray the costs of graduate school. Sidebar: how is it that my student loans for graduate school are the same as undergrad? That’s some crazy math.
I’ll set aside $50,000 to give to family members on a competitive grant basis. I figure that will keep me from getting pissed off when people start crawling out the woodwork because someone broke the gag order they signed.
Set up an annuity or something for the Columbus Library. I love that library. Absolutely LOVE it. Even when I can’t find a book, they’re always helpful at getting it from some library on the planet without giving me a whole bunch of lip about it. And it keeps me from buying books I’ll probably never read again.
What’s left I’ll invest for the future when we’re old. That’s also why I’d continue to work: save for retirement and for every-day-life fun things like traveling, date nights, parties, etc. Plus, I like my job and it took me about 18 years to finally find one that uses my skills effectively without me having to go out and find clients.
See what other people would do with $1 million by clicking the icon below. What would you do?