Milestones

Pearl Cleage quote

It’s been a LONG time since I wrote on the blog. More than two months.

Okay.

So what’s been going on? Life shifts. When I was in the midst of it all, I thought I was literally go outta sane. Losing my grip on life in so many ways. I needed time. I needed to focus on the abrupt changes seemingly wanting attention all at once and politely ask each one to allow me to handle one thing at a time. Miraculously, it worked.

May. Let’s just start there. The Kid returned to my dad’s house about a week before he would have graduated. Let it be known that he didn’t come back on his own volition. Life forced him back. He currently lives with my dad and is figuring out what adulthood means, which includes finishing high school, getting his license, and finding his way in life.

Fine. Like I’ve said before, this was never about him. At least not from my life vantage point. My son leaving was the impetus for a bunch of life changes in me. I still don’t know what triggered an awareness of me now, but that one thing, my first child leaving the nest, set off a chain reaction that at first scared me, but then helped me blossom into the remainder of my life.

One of those changes was a shift in what I want to write about here on Honesty’s Protegee. Crafts, recipes and all that is cool, but is not where my heart lies. My deepest passion is in revelations and evolution. Recognizing those moments when I can see the progress from Point A on my life journey to Point B. And this Point A-Point B revelation is huge. Life altering.

There are a million blogs on how to make a dress from curtains, 90 ways to decorate with two-liter Coke bottles, how to make my own nail polish. What’s not out here is a lot of what happens after you feel like ‘WTF?! My body/mind/soul is evolving and I’m scared as shit because I don’t know what to do!’ Some people call it mid-life crisis, but since I don’t plan to die when I’m 78, I’m calling it a milepost.

I’ve wrestled with this. During my time off, several other bloggers have had milestone moments and transitioned their blogs from one focus to another. Some I stayed with, others I didn’t. What took me so long to admit that I couldn’t continue on the path I was walking was losing readers. For a long time, the numbers meant something to me. But I got past that fear.

Here I am. A half-empty-nesting, looking-at-40, imperfect, gracefully aging, coming-into-full-mature-womanness human. And I love it. I embrace it. There are hard days, but the new freedom of not giving a rat’s ass about what another person thinks is liberating. So I hope you stay around. I make no promises about posting. I’m not doing it for the numbers anymore. I’m doing it for the love. The love I have for me and the love I have for the freedom of every one of us unapologetically being exactly who we are at every moment without shame, insincerity, or fear.

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