This post, along with those of other happily married bloggers, is part of the Happy Wives Club Book Tour. To learn more and join us, click here.
I came across this blog tour purely on accident. I don’t remember what The Hero did that made me look at him and think ‘man, I STILL love him!’, but it was a moment that I wanted to tell everybody. So for the sake of not looking like an idiot in the middle of the street, I’ll just give you the list.
He listens and remembers.
My memory can be sketchy if not downright altered in my favor. I tend to remember vividly when I’m right and condense when I’m wrong down to a vague remembrance of a feeling. I try to extract an action I said I would take, but I’m about 79% successful at that. Not The Hero. He remembers everything I say when I ask him to take a different action. What’s funny (or sad depending on how you look at it) is he doesn’t say anything, he just does it and I’ll notice like… four months later. Then he gets the satisfaction of pointing out that it’s been four months. But, he makes every effort to try to do something different or remember the girl way of thinking and be proactive (like washing the dishes right before they become enough of an annoyance that I wash them).
I can’t bully him.
I’m not proud of this, but after The Kid’s dad and I parted ways, I was really about control. Relationships were chess matches for me and I wanted to see how far I could go and once I got there if there was a way to cross the line in the sand. That, for me, was an indication of how long the relationship would last. Tried that with The Hero and we ended up in a Mexican stand off. We broke up for a few months and then, by chance, tried it one more time. During the months we weren’t together, I realized that he wasn’t going for the control bit. Our relationship grew to what it is today because of an understanding that the relationship is a personal choice and no one is going to be manipulated into staying.
He’s the brawn of the operation.
Let’s be honest: I’m not a fighter. I sell a lot of wolf tickets, but I try to avoid violence at all costs. Now… should violence ensue, you know, like zombie apocalypse or some kind of panic, I want someone who at least can get the job done and would be good at keeping us alive. I may check out when it looks like it’s the end of the world, but until then… I need a strategizer.
I should honestly (ha!) put this first. I think a lot of us – men and women – have bad tastes in our mouths from past relationships because of how they ended. Mines were the results of dishonesty. I can accept, forgive and tolerate a lot of things, but I won’t stand for you not being honest with me. I don’t mean just lying about things, but also not telling me things you know I would want to know so I can make conscious choices. The Hero is honest to the point where we agreed that he would tell me once I asked. You know sometimes I’m just not ready to know something so I have to get my mind right THEN find out. After all this time, I haven’t had a reason to believe that something will catch me from the left.
Have you ever heard a woman say that her husband is a better communicator than she is? If not, you’ll read it here first: The Hero is way better at communicating than I am. Could be that he’s a thinker (that’s next) or he can separate his feelings when topics are sensitive. I don’t know, but what I do know is sometimes I feel like I’m stuttering and stammering way more than normal trying to make a point or bring up something I want to talk about. He can read my moods and has almost successfully predicted when a mood means he can be in my space and when he can’t. It’s glorious and something I don’t take for granted.
He’s an independent thinker.
I know a lot of smart people. I can’t say that I know a lot of smart people who questioned most of what they believed to evolve into people who are who they want to be, not who they were trained to be. The Hero is one of those people. He has his own opinions and sticks to his opinions, if expressed, no matter how tough the going gets. He’s the only person I’ve ever been able to tell some of my really far-out thoughts and not feel weird about it. Even if he doesn’t agree, he can usually understand why I feel the way I do. The times he doesn’t, we agree to disagree. Or I get moody and go away.
He remembers how he got me.
Which can sometimes be a bad thing. I’m kidding. The Hero has his quirks and things that rub me the wrong way, but he never forgets that it takes mindfulness to keep the relationship alive. I’ve never looked at our relationship as work. I always thought of it as mindfulness. We compliment each other. We support each other. We genuinely talk about our days. He lets me be sappy when I need to. I don’t complain so much when he wants to go out, but I want to cuddle. We compromise, but stand up for our needs when we need to. Like I wrote above, it always comes back to choice. I choose to be with him and he with me. If we don’t cultivate what we’ve created by saying and showing our love to and for each other, the marriage and relationship die. Neither of us wants that and he shows me that every day.
He’s very easy on my eyes.
That’s really all I can say. I don’t know if I could have stuck it out long enough to know he was a great person if he would have been hard on the eyes. I’m shallow. It’s part of who I am.