I made a promise that I would have my sexy back by June 30. I would work out and tone up, be buff like I was two years ago. It’s June 28 and the only thing I find über sexy is my locs.
I’ve been thinking though while I’ve been cooking, baking and eating these last few days. On a deeper level, who is this for? What I realized this morning is that I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it for The Hero. I’m doing it for advertising and marketing companies. I’m doing it for my overweight friends. I’m doing it for everyone, BUT me and since it’s not something that I want, but something I feel I have to do, I haven’t shed one pound.
With this epiphany comes freedom. I never wanted to be a big girl. It’s just not a look I can pull off with confidence. I like having a toned body, but I don’t want to do three sets of 15 reps of 75 exercises three or four times a week. I love walking. I love yoga. I even like jogging during group runs with the Black Girls Run group.
I find myself at a crossroad. I want to be healthy. I want to reshape my body. I also want to do this on my own terms. I want it to be something I want and not what I think someone else wants or needs. It’s imperative that I’m being true to myself and living my life on terms that work for me in addition to those I love.
So here’s my altered, true-to-self plan:
- Meal planning. I set myself up for failure by not planning snacks and meals. When I prepared all the meals in advance and went shopping, life was glorious.
- Exercise planning. The new plan includes things I want to do like walking, jogging and yoga. I’ll add bike riding when I buy said bike. (A bike would make a fantastic birthday gift.)
- Cut back the baking. There are only two of us in the house. Do we really need full-size him and her desserts? Nope. Extra baked goods will go to work or be offered to friends.
- Kill the scale. I find myself tethering my emotions and failure or success to how many pounds I lose. If the scale is the same, but the fat pants are too big, I made progress.
- Stop asking for feedback. There are times in my life when feedback is good. This isn’t one of them. It allows me to easily bend my will to that of someone else. No more ‘can you tell…?’
- Be realistic. Seriously. With drugs or fasting, I COULD lose 10 pounds this week, but in reality, I know I won’t take weight loss pills or stop eating. So I’ll suffice with small changes and pump myself up that my feet don’t have red marks all over them from being stuffed into my shoes.
- Reward myself. It will include food. If I’m being honest, knowing I can treat myself to a full-fat meal at the place of my choice goes a lot further than saying “When I reach this goal, I’ll buy a new dress.” Shopping doesn’t fulfill me the way a good food experience does. Or spending time at Michael’s buying craft supplies. The point is, rewards will include things that I love and enjoy without restriction.
I have a plan. The best part of this post? I can do all of this by Labor Day.