Rainbows after Thunderstorms

I had a moment when I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. It took me a moment to process how I was going to handle it and I decided to forego the passive aggressive way and just deal with it for exactly what it was.

While I was trying to logically decide how I felt (besides angry), my stomach knotted up and I kept clenching and unclenching my fists. I wanted to hit someONE. I wanted to inflict physical pain because in my mind it would help alleviate what I was feeling. Of course this would be the one night I’m alone. It would have been nice to put The Hero in a full Nelson.

But here’s something that I really figured out: not moving swiftly through the emotions allowed them to be just what they were: my feelings about the situation. Once I let my anger have its moment of white-hot fame, all the other emotions cycled and I woke up feeling surprisingly… calm.

With the new calm, I realized the role I played in the situation. I could understand the logic behind the decision even if I don’t like the results. I didn’t make it all anyone’s fault and fall into victimization or villainization. I accepted my role and realized that we’re both people making choices at every moment.

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2 Comments

    1. Think that just depends on your perspective. I didn’t make the choice (and don’t take any responsibility for that), but I know what I did to help cause it.

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