I have 35 days to get the jiggles under control. I thought back to a time when I was hotness, the embodiment of ‘she looks good for her age’ when I came across a picture from May 2011.
Yes, this is my inspiration. I was running at least three times a week at a pretty good pace. I also had The Hero’s program, Body by Rod, where I vaguely remember doing 98 sets of squats, mountain climbers for seven minutes straight and at least 12 sets of walking lunges holding 100-pound weights. I was unstoppable.
Then things went awry. It got cold outside. I changed from an active to sedentary job. Baking and eating were way more exciting than exercising. It’s like I became this whole other person. All the while, The Hero stayed positive:
“Quitting is for losers. You’re not a loser, Dee.” You are right, most beloved, I’m not a loser. I am a President of Quitters United, Inc. though.
“This will help you get the body you say you want, Dee.” Didn’t Oprah say I should love myself no matter what size I am? The extra fat helps me stay nice and warm.
“It’s good for your health.” Well considering I still have all my original body parts, no hospital stays minus birthing humans and a clean bill of health as current as January, I think I’m doing okay.
And then he said something… interesting:
“There’s something sexy about a woman who works out. I really can’t describe it. It’s like she cares about her body or something.”
All of a sudden, it hit me: I didn’t feel sexy anymore so I was okay letting everything fall apart. My sneaky, little mind convinced me that it was okay to have the momma pudge, that it was now time to start putting together a collection of my own heirloom recipes to pass to the kids (who have zero interest in cooking), that 99% of my friends were also overweight so I’d just be fitting in to late-30s peer pressure. That pants with elastic really aren’t that bad….
That last one, those elastic pants, are what sent me over the edge. I felt like my mother (written with love of course). I could see my future in colorful jogging suits with sequin accents wearing full make-up and white K-Swiss. I cried a little inside.
But then I slapped myself around and got to business. I put The Hero back on the task of a new Body by Rod program. I started counting my calories and even though I have consistently gone over, I can no longer pretend my made-with-love desserts are fat-free. While I haven’t hit the sidewalk running, I forced myself on the treadmill just to see how fast I could run and for how long.The treadmill has a built-in permanent hill so my seven-minute, 4.5-mile run was a major accomplishment. I can still run.
My first real step is to reign in the baking and finding substitutions for the sugar cravings. Second is tasting and buying a wider range of vegetables. Last, I’m getting back on the exercise bandwagon.
Wish me luck. Send me funny e-cards. Drop a word of encouragement. And if you’re in the same boat, I’ll encourage you on your hot body journey too.