I’ve been on a journey for about a month. A real self-exploratory, karmic-baggage-releasing journey that, at some points, just makes me a little weary. Now I know on some level, I’m right here because this is where I choose to be and I’m in the process of disengaging my intellectual mind and vibrating at a higher level.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far: I like my own company. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love my friends or family because I do, but I’m selective about the relationships I cultivate. I used to feel bad because I didn’t have 872 facebook to chat with or 79 real friends that I could call when I just felt like being around other living beings besides plants and bugs. I’m starting to see now that the people I do care about and check on serve specific functions and don’t chide me for not calling (or sending text messages) more often. There are never any guilt trips and we pick back up where we left off or just find a new point to start all over again. It’s a great thing.
I’ve always known that I’m about self-evolution, but it’s become very clear that I’m really about self-evolution. I used to think it was vain to not want to do something for someone or ‘take one for the team’ when I just didn’t feel like doing it. I’m at the point now where it’s okay to say no. I don’t have to commit to jump on any bandwagons not going my way or to take one in the chest to protect the innocent. My way of thinking now is that we all make choices and hey, you made this choice, so how are you going to deal with it? I’ll help, but I will not enable.
I’m not a victim. Of course I’ve had some really low points and things that happened that I didn’t like during my life. I’m about accepting responsibility though and for those times when I felt I should have been protected, I ask myself ‘what can I learn from this and how will it help me as I grow?’ At very high levels of consciousness, those bad experiences occurred for a reason. I needed to learn something karmically or release it. Either way, I hold no grudges toward myself or others for past relationships gone south, childhood mishaps and bad financial choices. I’m still here, I still have joy and happiness and none of those things killed me.
I’m bigger than the life that I live. In reality, this reality of who I claim to be and what I claim to be doing is a series of life dramas that I’ve invited people to share with me to gain experiential knowledge. I take a new perspective on the events that I remember and look for the lessons learned so that I don’t have to keep repeating those scripts with new characters. In essence, my Self is directing me to act these things out for soul reasons. The end doesn’t matter because it’s been the journey that’s the destination all along.
There is no room for duality as a higher being. I have to accept the lower vibrations before moving up the energy chain. To segregate a part of self would be denying it meaning and, in essence, asking all the life lessons that I’ve learned to come pounding on the door again. However many times I’ve played that role is enough. I’m ready to move on to something bigger.
On the topic of bigger, it doesn’t necessarily mean amassing more stuff. In being bigger, it means an expansion of my awareness: awareness of the energy around me, that permeating from other beings and the All energy. We’re all connected and if I deny you, then, at some level, I deny a part of myself. I don’t think that means I have to like you. It just means that you’re free to be you. We all come from the same source, just walking different paths. Sometimes they cross, sometimes they crash and sometimes they are parallel. In the end, they’re all perfectly orchestrated based on how we choose to experience this lifetime.
The best thing of all is that my spirit cannot be diminished. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get tired physically or need to recharge spiritually. It means that there is an infinite amount of energy out there for anything I desire. It’s my perception of scarcity that causes worry and doubt. When I find myself coming up on those moments I have to be reminded that everything going on in my life has no value until I assign it. So I can choose to assign it in a way that’s beneficial to me or detrimental. After many years of detrimental assignments, I’m going to go ahead and try that beneficial route.
I am an amalgam of traits, experiences and other quirks and kinks that make me who I am and I make no apologies for it. I’m living where I am and happy that I’ve made it this far.