Ode to the life lemons

I had a lot of time to think today while cleaning. I found myself in a self-inflicted conflict that really didn’t even need to happen. And in the midst of inhaling too much Comet in the bathroom the old saying ‘when life sends you lemons, make lemonade’ violated my melancholy mood. Well… here’s what I’m going to do with those life lemons:

1. Sell them to Lemon Meringue in Strawberryland and buy a pair of thigh boots from the Victoria’s Secret website.

2. Cut and squeeze them on sores of people I don’t like (a couple people out there need to be on the look out).

3. Freeze them and throw them at the people standing on the freeway exit ramps with signs asking for money.

4. Donate them to my favorite bar so I can do shots until I can’t swallow anymore. Lick the salt, drink the tequila, squeeze the lemon…. Yeah!

5. Juice them and make my own drink called ‘C-Town Punch’ and give that Mike’s Hard a run for it’s money.

6. Peel them, give them to kids and tell them it’s a hybrid orange just to see the faces they make.

7. Squeeze them into a spray bottle, spray my hair and see if THAT changes the color since nothing else works.

8. Invent a spray to clean up all the CDs that are mysteriously scratched now.

9. Figure out a lemon diet that actually helps people lose weight while eating every comfort food under the sun.

10. Make it into a repellent for people who get on my nerves.

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