I’ve been working through some things with the help of a really deep read (thanks to Dr. Whitten). As is my nature, I would love to sit here and write about what I’ve found out about myself, but each time I try to write, it becomes such an arduous task to describe, that the beautiful simplicity of truths become muddled in background explanation. As I told my friend today, there are nuances that are important to understanding the journey and those feelings, those vibrations, those energies cannot be converted to words.
The crux of the truths though are that there are some journeys and lessons that I would love to do with someone, but it’s not about them. This time in my growth as a created being is to work through life experiences and get to a point where the life dramas no longer elicit emotional responses. Since I choose to respond certain ways, either consciously or subconsciously, I cannot look outside of myself for growth. That doesn’t mean I’m not engaged in life. It means that I surrender to the idea that the outcome doesn’t matter. Getting somewhere, reaching some point is not the point. The journey is the point. For years, I kept thinking there’s a place I need to reach to be ‘enlightened’, to be so Zenned out that I’ll be a sage and people will come to me for wisdom. That’s not my purpose though. That’s not why I’m here.
I’m here because I want to work through lifetime issues. I’m here to reach a point of Oneness. Oneness with self first. That’s the fun and often daunting part. It’s in this oneness with self process that I realize I create my reality from fragmentation. I make choices from different aspects of my being without being aware of those choices until they are made manifest. What I am creating now is a result of something from my past. Where I’m traveling is to a place of making those choices from an all-knowing place. Nothing should surprise me because I am, at my core, in tune with all aspects of who I am. At that point things that show up in my life will be a result of a conscious choices, not subconscious ones. And I will not judge them as good or bad, but as part of what I want to experience and work through in this lifetime.
Along those lines, I’ve decided to loc my hair. It’s been pretty interesting. People say it’s a spiritual journey. Maybe that’s true. I will say that it’s a freeing experience. My hair is doing what it does. Instead of fighting it and tying it down, clamping the twists and all that, I’m just letting them be. When I stopped trying to make them do something against their nature, some of them are actually locking. I will say it is definitely a journey in patience and who can’t use a little more of that?