I’ve been meaning to get back to the screen, but I just haven’t for whatever reason. I had something very important to write this morning, a major epiphany while I was walking. If I just keep typing, maybe it will come back to me….
Ah, yes, I don’t like running. I was complaining in my head about the humidity, about my time, how thirsty I was, the sweat getting in my eyes and a voice suggested I just walk. As a runner, I’m tied to time, distance, my stride, how far I am, how long it will take me to hit the next block and if I can make it in the 20 seconds left in the current interval. I don’t enjoy running. It’s a logical activity and the bliss that I read and hear people say that experience has only happened for me a couple of times.
That’s when the nice friendly voice told me I was running for people and from things. I was running to prove a point, to mark a milestone, to honor someone else, to get a body that I may not even want. I was running from the fact that I’m stressed and in order to compensate for the two large canolis from Giant Eagle, I needed to log the miles to burn a portion of those calories. Running literally allowed me to escape from dealing with some big issues going on in my head. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate it with every fiber of my being. I realize sometimes the thrill of running can be exhilarating and when I can run for a good amount of time, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I love those moments and I would run, when it hits me, to continue to have an outlet to release when I need to. As a form of exercise though, I’m just not feeling it on a regular basis.
And that’s why I stopped running and started walking. Brisk pace in the humid morning weather threatening to drench me any minute with monsoon-style rain. I noticed things walking that I never noticed running. There are a lot of well-manicured lawns on my route. There are a bunch of cats sitting in windows watching me watch the sidewalk (you know, so I don’t trip and break my face). Flowers are in bloom in a range of shades, shapes and sizes. I didn’t have to watch the sidewalk anymore. I could see the people on the other side of the street. I wasn’t dying and hoping that I could make it home or thinking about falling out right inside the door. I was releasing, but in a different way: by taking in all the things I missed before and enjoying a sense of wonder at the small stuff. By walking and enjoying the small stuff, I was able to embrace the big issues I needed to handle.
During my walk, I realized all of these truths came to me as a way to answer a conversation with the Creator I had earlier this morning. I was struggling to finish the Artist’s Way and this week seems particularly challenging because the theme is recovering a sense of authority. What I took from it was I need to do what I feel regardless if I’m going to be called flighty or it’s not perfect or no one else likes it. All creations are not for mass consumption. Like everything else in life, the artistic part of me has to find balance. Once again, the idea of stepping out is scary, but I think about not doing it and what that will do to me. I decided to start with the baby steps, hence… the walking.
The walking triggered the desire to look for inspiration to create more jewelry and not be tied to the results, but to the concept of creation. The inspiration for jewelry triggered the writing. And the writing is leading to calm. Calm leads to a happier me and using the seven degrees of separation, leads to a happy planet.