I don’t know the last time I sat down to write anywhere. I started The Artist’s Way about six weeks ago and I’ve been engrossed in exploring my other creative outlets, so writing took a backseat to dancing, singing, painting, coloring, creating jewelry, cooking, make-up, decorating and hair. It’s been a very busy and exciting month.
During that time, I realized that spiritually, I’ve come full-circle. I have a better understanding now about the Creator. I dabbled in Earth-based religion and I needed that experience to understand the Creator a little better. Personally. Specifically tailored to my needs. I’m working on my relationship with my higher power and allowing myself to be happy with exactly how I was created. I’m exploring the jumbled beauty of being me. I have a long way to go in some areas and with Universal and friend support, I’ll make it.
Anyway, what really brought me here is the idea that I’m in the week of my journey where I have to make a dream file and when I thought off the top of my head what dreams I have, I couldn’t think of any. I have, over the years, assimilated other people’s desires as my own, but when I wrote them down, they triggered no desire, no fire in me to accomplish. I know I’m not without dreams, but for most of my adult life, I suppose I’ve suppressed them until the kids were grown… until I saved enough… lost enough weight… reached this life milestone. I haven’t believed any of them would come true, so I subconsciously rejected them as pipe dreams. How did that make me feel? Sad at first, but I realized that being sad wouldn’t bring the dreams forward. Quiet time asking myself what I wanted if my resources were limitless is what I’m seeking. Here’s what’s on the list so far:
- a fully loaded Audi A6
- a loft-style condo
- a trip to a place that would make me cry just being there (haven’t got a hit on where that would be)
- a personalized jewelry company. I like the personal service, not mass production, THEN selling
- a community-run, non-profit organization to help single parents pull themselves up and be a living example to others that it can be done
- a FAT ruby flanked with diamonds in a platinum band (someone will need to hold my arm at the end of the day)
- my daughter living with me
- a pair of diamond hoops
- a studio or space I can go to where I can be alone with my beads, crayons, paint or whatever without interruption and without worrying about someone coming in without my permission
- an American Express card
- taste testing new Cheerios products because those Chocolate Cheerios little bits of heaven in my mouth
- clothes, shoes and accessories. I NEED them. I have a list of things missing from my closet that’s three pages long
- being vocal about things that irk me
- an authentic Dale Chihuly glass art sculpture
- a beautiful, glamorous photo shoot like Kristy’s
- record a song (just cause I think I have a nice voice)
- paint a mural on a wall in my house
- start a graduate scholarship at Cleveland State College of Urban Affairs in my mother’s memory
- have a dinner party at my house
- have a regular party at my house
I was going to put be a writer, but I realized I have published stuff out there already. I already AM a writer. I also realized that nothing on that list is impossible. Not one single thing. I have the faith that all the things I desire will be mine and everything will be accomplished. I’m learning patience during this process, learning that everything I need is within and paths open that lead me toward the next step in my journey.