Fear, I squash you like a bug

Fear, get under my heel

I was finally catching up on my Google Reader subscriptions and came across an entry from La’Juanda “LJ” Knight’s “Yeah She Said It” site called Fear is a MotherF**ker

What struck me is I had this conversation with the Hero earlier today and I told him that this writing thing was bigger than I thought when I quit my job. My head is full of ideas that I want to get out, need to get out, but when I think about everything I’m paralyzed with a bunch of ‘what if?’ scenarios, the most important one being ‘What if no one reads it?’ I start wondering if I’m really good enough to support myself in the future, if I’ll get enough people interested in following my writing to build a significant audience. Can I…? How will I…? When should…? What should I…? Ask the question and I’ve probably already mulled over it these last three weeks.

Fear can be crippling and LJ’s approach will hopefully work for her. I’m a different kind of woman though and instead of listing my fears, doubts and misgivings, I decided to allow myself to think wider and more expansive considering the magnitude of what I want the Great Spirit and Universe to do for me. So here is what I put out into the Universe:

  1. More people who read my posts and comment either directly or via e-mail. Everyone loves to receive some praise or even suggestions to make things better in the future. There is no easier way to grow than through knowledge and open-mindedness.
  2. Thick skin to be able to accept the negative comments and criticism that will pop up. In that respect, like Erykah Badu said in “I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit”.
  3. Free-flowing creativity to keep writing about interesting topics on my blog and my eyes and ears to the pulse of current events to write timely articles for Examiner.com. What’s ridiculously ironic is I got a degree from the School of Journalism, but I hate following the news. Or maybe it’s like that person who works at McDonald’s and can’t stand fast food because of it.
  4. A good use of my time through a weekly schedule and daily to do lists. Thankfully, if I can see what I need to do, then I’m more prone to do it. I updated the weekly planner I created for the Hero and printed a copy for a test run next week. I’ll mark it in pencil though because I know life is always changing, but if things go according to plan, I should get a lot accomplished by March 5.
  5. Focus when I’m working and take breaks. Something about working from home lends to a lot of slack time and what I’m sure I could achieve in six hours takes a lot longer.
  6. Taking time to appreciate myself. I almost want to make this the most important thing because there’s nothing to keep me motivated than recognizing my own progress. Maybe that would be the alternative to the doubts.

So here I go into this new part of life. The honeymoon on the couch with the laptop all day is over. Time to get about the business of doing what I love. And if you know me now while I’m rising, you may get the personalized autographed copy of my first book.

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