Resident in coma after information overload

Resident suffers from coma
Columbus resident, Diane Harpinger, suffers from temporary coma after surfing the Internet too long.

COLUMBUS – Who actually knew that gathering too much information was bad for your health? Unfortunately, Diane Harpinger, 34, found out the hard way. Harpinger has been comatose since 4:08 p.m. when she clicked on too many links in her Twitter timeline.

According to her husband, Richard Garvin, Harpinger started her Internet session with one goal in mind: finding instructions to create hair accessories with the many leftover beads from past jewelry creations. Garvin noticed that Harpinger began to talk less and looked extremely intent as she typed more than 90 words per minute on her laptop.

“I asked her if she found what she was looking for, but she didn’t respond,” Garvin admitted sadly. “I thought maybe she found a bunch of different sources, but when she just went statue on me, I had to check and see what she was doing.”

What Garvin found was that Harpinger had gone from looking for simple barrette instructions to subscribing to every blog, news feed and Twitter acquaintance she came across in her search. According to her Twitter timeline, she sent 17 tweets in four minutes, almost double her usual daily average of 10 tweets. Garvin says he could hear her mumbling to herself before the complete shut down, but didn’t really think anything of it.

“Dee frequently made verbal notes about stuff she read, so I was just like ‘eh, she’s just doing what she does'”, Garvin said.

Doctors at Mt. Carmel East believe that Harpinger will make a full recovery from the incident. According to Dr. Steve Andrewosky, Chief of Neurology, a couple days rest and a break from the Internet will bring Harpinger back to her old self. He says that despite the seemingly negative physical state, Harpinger’s body responded appropriately. Under such conditions, her mind registered shock and shut down out of instinct.

Harpinger is expected to be released Friday with strict instructions to use the Internet in moderation. Garvin intends to keep her occupied all weekend so she can’t have access to her laptop. She’ll return to Mt. Carmel East in two weeks for follow-up.

“If I have to take the cord hostage and hide it in my pants, Iwill,” Garvin declared. “There is no way in hell she’s going to get on that computer as long as I’m alive.”

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