Subjective time discovery may put local resident on the map

In a new development, Columbus residents Tracie Hurley, 43, and Deauna Hale, 34, experience a new phenomenon: subjective time. the pair discovered the epidemic at 9:42 a.m. on Feb. 1.

“It seems like Dee just started here yesterday,” Hurley said in an interview at the receptionist’s desk. “I mean… I know she resigned months ago, but that only feels like Saturday.”

Hale, on the other hand, feels like she’s been part of her work environment for decades. She only recalls completing graduate school and giving birth to her children because she met one of her dearest friends, Akua Soadwa, in graduate school and continues to support her children to this day.

“I’ve started relating life events to my first day in 2006,” Hale admitted in a tired whisper. “My son was born 10 years before I started here and I met the love of my life a year after I started. It’s really sad.”

Hurley and Hale came across this phenomenon as Hale approaches her last day of employment Feb. 5. Hale admitted that today was moving at the ‘speed of light’ until she looked at the clock on her computer monitor. She says that time instantly began to slow to the pace of “sap traveling down tree bark”. Hurley counters that once Hale mentioned the day dragging on, she felt as though time accelerated for her.

“I was fine until Dee came into my work area and put up four fingers to signify her last day here,” Hurley said.

Hale, a part-time, informal researcher, decided to test the subjective time theory on other people. She plans to start compiling the thesis for this study and seek funding in early March. Until then, she intends to take the month of February to collect further data through personal observation. She hopes the results will be the next scientific breakthrough.

“I managed to skip all the hard science courses in high school and college, but if I can manage to luck up on something, that would be awesome,” Hale exclaimed excitedly. “I can finally prove that subjective time really exists.”

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