Year in review

I’m sure you think I’m going to paraphrase the last 362.5 days in this blog, but I’m not. This year, I’ve decided to do something different with the year-end review. I’m not going to look back or forward, just relish in what is right now. So here we go….

  • Right now, I have all my hair. Yes, that’s probably insignificant to some people, but I remember a time when I stressed myself to the point that I had a little bald patch in the back of my head and had to keep my hair faded. That wasn’t a happy time in my life and the saying ‘beauty is skin deep’ is something I had to say to myself every day.
  • Right now, I’m happy when I think of my mother and when I feel sad, I don’t wallow in it. That’s a major accomplishment since there was a time when I couldn’t stop myself from being angry or victimized that she died when I was 25. It took a long time, but I made it. Yay me.
  • Right now, my son is at a level of personal responsibility I never thought I’d see and I’m not trying to take credit for it. There is something about a boy being with his father that can’t be replaced by tough love from a mother. Since he’s lived with his dad, my son complains less, accepts the consequences of his actions and… showers and wears cologne. Okay, maybe the showering and cologne is for the girls at school, but still, he’s matured. Shout out to his dad for shaping his manly development.
  • Right now, my daughter is looking at puberty and I’m going to hold her hand through it as much as she wants. Her dad is doing all he knows to help her along, but there’s nothing like experiencing it first hand when you have that first cycle, is it, ladies? And I had my first one in white pants, in gym, in front of allll my friends. The horror. I think we laughed about it when I got to high school, but when it happened, sheer embarrassment. I was too mortified to even cry.
  • Right now, our house is semi-packed for a move. I’m finally tired of attached neighbor life and decided to move on up to a house. No house in mind yet, and thankfully, I have a great friend in Lisa Jones who graciously offered to let me live with her while we find one big enough for us.
  • Right now, I realize that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but an expression of trust from one person to another. I didn’t know that earlier this year and surprisingly I also found out that having someone on my team makes the journey easier and probably does something good for them because they were able to give of themselves to me.
  • Right now, I’m focusing on breathing. I wrote an article about it on Examiner.com (don’t forget to subscribe while you’re there) and like a paid endorser, I couldn’t write about something I haven’t done. You know what I get from it? A nice little tingle all over, particularly on the left side of my head and my left arm. Now I’ve read the left brain/right brain stuff and I have to tell you now, don’t read into the tingling. It may be because I’ve been using my left hand to use the mouse just to do something different, but every test I take comes out balanced between both. I am creatively logical.
  • Right now, I have a great relationship with a fantastic person. Our relationship is pretty out-of-the-box and probably to the confusion of a lot of people, it works. Yeah, sometimes I get the ‘marry me NOW’ feeling, but it passes pretty quickly. And I’m actually sure it’s some residual training from being a kid. I wonder how I’d think if I learned that love itself trumps the manifestation of its expression through institutionalization. My head probably would have exploded, but at least I wouldn’t have to unlearn that certain ways of living don’t work for all people.
  • Right now, I’m wearing heels. Like having all my hair, it may be a minor thing for some of you, but considering a podiatrist told me to only wear them for special occasions, I feel triumphant stomping around the 15th floor with them on. They make me taller and being taller feeds my dreams of achieving supermodel height. There is something powerful in towering over people.
  • Right now, I am not pregnant or expecting to be pregnant or even having a shadow of a thought that someone is housed up in my reproductive organs. Thankfully, all of those days were over and done about 10 years ago, but by George if someone DOES show up…. not even going there. Plant the seed of doubt and 2010 could be one of the saddest years yet.
  • Right now, outside my window, the sun is shining. I haven’t seen it in a long time it feels like, but something about blue skies and clouds makes everything bearable. Even these last two hours at work and the fact that I started this blog about two hours ago.
  • Right now, I’m okay with what’s coming in 2010. I put my life on paper and instantly realized that I wanted to embark on three huge projects, but each built on another and so I’ve eliminated two for now and pushed the first one back to 2011, allowing me time to step back and look at the big picture instead of running full speed into the night without light.
  • Right now, I’m a writer. I write. I blog. For a minute, I tried to not be what I am and it made me miserable. My writing skills actually atrophied as a result of it. But I’m up and going again and it’s coming back to me just like riding a bike. I’ll write a book one day, but for now, I enjoy what I’m writing.
  • And finally, right now, I’m thinking about shrimp, lil smokies, and cheese wedges on New Year’s Eve with something bubbly to count down the ball. It fills me with memories of being a kid, of wanting to go to the house party where my mom wore the sparkly (yet horrific) silver sequin dress, of tuxedos, fresh starts, friends, fun, music, laughter, love and life. I’m not unrealistic about 2010, but I realize 2009 was one of the most wisdom-filled years of my adult life and I’m glad to have lived through it and realized that fire and pounding leads to some of the most beautiful objects ever created.
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