I listened to a podcast by Marianne Willamson that focused on taking your personal traumas, looking at the person or people who inflicted them on you and finding the value in it and perfection in them. It was an interesting topic and right on time because I was thinking about people’s reactions to how I’ve handled my own issue. People who know what I’m talking about always ask how I can be cool with everything and still talk to him because they’d have some residual resentment.
I didn’t get to the place I’m at with little effort. I had to admit to myself that these things happened and accept them. There is a difference between knowing something happened and accepting it as part of who I am. When I accepted it and embraced the emotions I felt after the fact, I spoke to him about it and had a real breakthrough. I released my anger and shame through that first step. Granted, I didn’t talk to him for months because I didn’t like the way the conversation progressed, but I realized that I had the power to choose to let those events define me or help me evolve into a greater, grander version of who I am, which is always my ultimate goal.
Years later, I had a conversation with my soul friend and he told me of a similar situation he encountered. He told me that he had a conversation with his mother and she told him that it’s possible the person inflicting the pain doesn’t see anything wrong because that’s what they know, it’s what they’ve been taught and is part of their familial culture. When I stripped my idea of right and wrong, that statement gave me a very unique perspective in looking at my own life. While I didn’t absolve him of what he did, it never occurred to me that in his mind, he didn’t feel he was doing anything wrong, that it was just the way of his world. In looking at it through that lens, I was able to actually start the process of forgiving.
Over the years, as I wrote, people tend to think that letting it go is such a hard thing to do. I’m of the mind that I can control me. It takes more energy at times, but I can control how I think, how I react and how I perceive a thing. I started to believe that maybe I was letting him off too easily, but it takes more energy for me to hold a grudge. The Universe will do what it needs to do for both of us and I put my faith in that a lot more than calculating revenge and holding grudges. And the real truth is that I really suck at holding grudges. It takes a lot of brain power to remember what you did to me and I want to use that for other stuff like learning how to solder or being creative on demand.
So I encourage you to listen to the podcast and hopefully you hear something in it that will help you let go of an old hurt and start on the path to healing and forgiveness. Do this for you. The other person may or may not accept that you’re in a good place with the situation, but you’ll notice your health will improve, your outlook on life expands and you open yourself up to a deeper level of peace. It will change your life.