The last couple of weeks have been filled with a lot of drama, drama I created for myself. You know how one thing happens and the next thing you know, you’re in a spiral? That was me. I thought I solved the problem a couple of times only to find that my resolve would be tested repeatedly and each time I’d backslide. I’d get to a temporary good place and then it would all fall apart again. And I hated being that person, but it seemed like the more I tried not to be her, the more I became her.
I happened across a CD that I took from my mother’s house when she died. On a whim when I first started working at my job, I brought it to work. This morning, I woke up and felt like ‘I’m done doing dumb’. After I made that decision, my spirit told me two words in the breeziest voice ever: ‘Be easy’. Those two words made more sense than all the other solutions I had during the last six weeks or so. BE easy. Don’t DO easy, be it. Be. I stopped being, stopped feeling Celestial energy, stopped feeling part of everything. I stopped being me and it was driving me crazy. Literally. But back to the CD. I remembered that every time I listened to it, my spirits picked up immediately. No matter what I was going through, in or contemplating, it made me feel the greatness that exists, the love, the happiness, the fulfillment and joy associated with it. I put it in and let it flow over me, asked God to tell me something because I was at the end of all I knew and I needed to step off the cliff without fear. So I’m listening to the music, being open to what I need to be truly happy and in that time of meditation, I feel connected again. I got what I needed through a simple emotional exchange with God.
I can’t undo what’s been done these last few weeks. I can only stay grounded and ask anyone affected to forgive me. But no matter how the chips fall, I’ve decided that I can’t allow myself to turn away from who I am again and sacrifice my happiness.