Back to Basics

Yesterday, it occurred to me that in the past few months I evolved from being me to being Rod’s girl. A lot of my time revolves around couple activities and us doing things together like grocery and clothes shopping, going to the gym, reading, going to the comic book store, basically everything. When he wasn’t there, I’d wonder when he was coming back. It hit me hard in the face yesterday when I thought about how I so wanted to go to the gym right after work, come home, shower, and get to beading. None of those things were part of his plan and I immediately started thinking about what I could compromise. I was, like, June Cleaver or something. Yuck.

I was sitting on the love seat when I had that moment. I was thinking about the most non-confrontational way I could say that I wanted to change the after work schedule. In my mind, I envisioned him getting perturbed and saying I could do what I wanted, blah, blah, blah and then it being a big deal. Actually, that’s how all of our conversations go in my mind and in reality they’re nothing like that. But that’s for another day. I was thinking about the right way to bring it up so hard that I gave myself a headache. I didn’t like waiting to go to the gym until 6:30. I feel much better going straight from work if I can’t wake up and work out in the morning. Hell, I actually enjoy going to bed around 10 instead of midnight or 1 a.m. I like doing yoga in the morning. I like sitting down to eat a real breakfast, watching Spongebob Squarepants if I have time in the morning and whenever it’s on in the evening and working out with My Fitness Coach on the Wii (that is now up in the beading/kids’ room collecting dust). Not much about my pre- or post-work day revolves around any of those activities anymore. I slowly allowed myself to let go of the things that I truly enjoyed to doing things that I kinda liked. And it wasn’t his fault that I made it to this point, just a series of choices I made along the way. I told him that lately I felt as though my evenings revolve around waiting to go to the gym, getting home around 8, cooking dinner, then vegging out while I try to stay up as late as he does. I didn’t seem to be getting anything done or even doing the same things I had before. He politely listened and told me that he felt the same way about some things as well. We talked about what changes we wanted to make and it went fine (as the conversations always do).

When I went upstairs to finish my latest jewelry project, it dawned on me that we’re on different circadian clocks: I’m a morning person and he’s a night person: I have the most energy and best ideas early in the day and wind down around 3 p.m. and it seems that he gets started later in the morning. I thrive off structure, lists and schedules and he’s mad cool just winging it. I realized that fundamental difference in our individual personalities and it clicked: We needed to go back to what works for us individually in our personal endeavors and compromise on joint endeavors. I needed to stop thinking that going to bed at 10:30 is for kids. I’m tired and I should just take my hind parts up the stairs and lay down. And he can stop giving me the evil looks in the morning when I’m bursting with energy and trying to make him walk the new trail at 6:45 a.m. We share things we love, we just love to do them at different times. Differences aren’t bad though and that’s what I remembered yesterday evening. Sometimes they actually enhance our relationship. Today, I’ll dust off the Wii and work out for an hour, hit the beads and see what happens. Going back to basic Dee.

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