I love my kids. I love both of them in different ways, but when it’s all said and done, I’d do what it takes to protect them. They’re growing up though and I am now experiencing that thing that all mothers feel when their children don’t need them as much. It’s a hard pill to swallow and since Derek is my first born, I’m treading new territory.
Now, that aside, there are times when Derek is a complete ass. I recognize some of it is because he’s a kid, but sometimes I know he’s trying to be hurtful and responding to his feelings about something that I did or didn’t do. The most recent event revolved around him coming home or staying in Philly with his grandmother and cousins. I understand that there have been a lot of changes this year: He went to live with his father in June, he’s going to a new school, he has a new brother and a myriad of other things that can affect a 13-year-old kid. I’m trying to be sensitive to those things and be understanding that he’s processing all the changes the best way he knows how, but sometimes I really just want to grab him up and ask him if he really understands that some of the things he says hurt me.
Since he decided to stay in Philly, when I call to talk to him, he gives me the ice tones, like talking to me hurts every fiber in his being. I think he’s still angry because I didn’t explicitly tell him to come home. Sometimes I don’t want to take the high road and this is one of those times. I almost want to prove to him that my resolve not to talk to him can outlast his by leaps and bounds, but what does that prove? What will I teach my son by doing that? Absolutely nothing and it will only exacerbate his belief that I don’t care about him. I’m going to make this call and talk to my kid, tell him that I love him, but that we need to resolve this situation and move on.
I talked to my son and it was a misunderstanding on my part. He was having a good time although he admitted that he was upset he wasn’t the one to show me how to swim. When I explained the circumstances of my new found talent, he was cool. He apologized for being rude and explained that he was just hanging with his cousins and doing boy stuff.